


la la la love jutsu

by faerietell



Category: Naruto
Genre: AU where Sasuke never leaves, F/M, It Sucks, Minor Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto, everyone is a little less dead but not completely not dead, kakasaku - Freeform, kakashi and sakura are victim to a love jutsu, they make themselves feel better by messing with sasuke and naruto
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-15
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2020-01-14 11:55:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18475729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faerietell/pseuds/faerietell
Summary: “That isn’t possible,” said Tsunade. “There’s no jutsu that can replicate love.” She sighed. “Maybe infatuation.”“Seems like love to me,” said Naruto, unconvinced.





	la la la love jutsu

Tsunade had never wanted to be Hokage. 

 

She wanted to grieve and gamble and drink (not in equal measures). She wanted to travel the world and maybe learn another beauty jutsu. She certainly didn’t want to be dragged here by a good-for-nothing idiot after her teammate murdered her mentor. She didn’t want to be the leader of a village that would burn alive for each other.

 

Idiots. Fools. All of them.

 

And she was the greatest fool of them all.

 

“What could you have  _ possible done this time? _ ” Tsunade asked, glaring at the two of them. She couldn’t decide who deserved her ire more: Sasuke, for being the target of Orochimaru's greed (even if he had refused), or Naruto, for dragging her into this. 

 

“It wasn’t us!” Naruto started to stand up; Sasuke dragged him back into the chair. “It wasn’t! We were going after the Stone-nin, and Sakura thought she heard something, right? And then Kakashi-sensei went to check on her. And… ”

 

“And?” Tsunade pressed when he fell silent, exchanging glances with Sasuke. 

 

Naruto wiggled in his seat. “And then they… theyfellinlove.” 

 

“ _ What _ ?” Her voice rose dangerously.

 

“They fell in love,” Sasuke repeated. Flatly. 

 

“Passionately,” Naruto added. 

 

Tsunade fell back against her desk chair, running a hand through her hair. Two of her best shinobi were in love. “You mean… in lust?” Yes, that sounded more appropriate. Certainly, there was an age difference, but frantic sex was far more common between shinobi than love. Besides, her apprentice couldn’t fall in love with that idiot Hatake, even under pressure.

 

“No,” Naruto shook his head. “Definitely love. They haven’t… uh… “ 

 

“That isn’t possible,” said Tsunade. “There’s no jutsu that can replicate love.” She sighed. “Maybe infatuation.” 

 

“Seems like love to me,” said Naruto, unconvinced. 

 

Tsunade dismissed it. What did he know? He still had no idea that Hyuga girl was heads-over-heels for him and even Sasuke had realized that. “Fine, fine. We’ll find out a way to reverse it. They  _ are  _ supposed to be geniuses, after all. Get out and send them in.” 

 

The two got up, Sasuke murmuring something to Naruto as they quickly left. Tsunade mentally prepared herself for the sight. It couldn’t be that bad - Sakura was… what, twenty-five by now? She inwardly shuddered. Better not to think about age.

 

At first, nothing appeared unusual. They weren’t holding hands or looking at each other. They only walked up to the desk evenly.

 

“Hokage-sama,” Kakashi said. 

 

“Report.”

 

Sakura clasped her hands together. “Yes, shishou. We achieved the aim of the status and recovered the jutsu scrolls with little difficulties. Naruto got a kunai stuck in his shoulder, but you know how he heals. Halfway back, we ran into a recovery Stone-nin team. We were fighting them, but I thought I heard something a little way back. I went to check.”

 

Kakashi chose to intercede at this point. “I went after her. Naruto and Sasuke were handling it themselves. She was fighting a rogue nin. Seeing me, he cast a jutsu on both of us and escaped. Distracted, we made no attempt to pursue further until it was too late.” 

 

“The infatuation jutsu?” Tsunade clarified. 

 

“Love jutsu, Hokage-sama,” Kakashi said with no inflection in his tone. “We’re in love.” 

 

Tsunade would have concluded that they playing a joke on her (one they would be doing D-ranked missions for a month for) when it happened. Sakura glanced softly at Kakashi, and his own features softened, eyes crinkling as he smiled at her. There was a peace about him that she hadn’t seen since he was a child.

 

“You’re both aware that this isn’t real.” It was more statement than question.

 

“Oh, yes,” Sakura nodded. “We both definitely didn’t feel this way before the jutsu. I’m not sure these were even the intended effects of the jutsu. I don’t have any workable theories.”

 

“I do,” said Kakashi,

 

Sakura glared at him. “No, you don’t.” 

 

“What if Hokage-sama wants to know - ”

“She doesn’t.” 

 

Tsunade interrupted them. “Are there any other effects? Desire to hold hands all the time? Cannot stay apart?” 

 

Kakashi scratched his head. “I’m no expert, but aren’t those the ordinary effects of being in love?”

 

Sakura smiled at him before her attention returned to Tsunade. “I haven’t noted any other effects, shishou.” 

 

Tsunade sighed. She couldn’t think of any immediate answers and had no choice to research more on her own. Sakura might be helpful later on, but it was better to give her some time to adjust to be in love with an idiot. Not that she ever had much of a taste in men. 

 

“Don’t do anything stupid,” she ordered, and with that, they were dismissed. 

  
  
  
  


 

Sakura knew she wasn’t really in love with Kakashi. Before the jutsu had hit, the last thing she thought about him was how stupid his hair looked. And how he owed her twenty ryu (the boys might forget to count, but she didn’t). Now she still thought that his hair looked stupid, and she still knew he owed her money — but  _ affectionately _ . 

 

“What should we do now?” Sakura asked when they stepped out of the Hokage’s building. She was a little surprised Naruto wasn’t there to pepper them with questions, but she wasn’t going to question it. 

 

Kakashi shrugged and shoved his hands in his pockets. “I don’t know. What do you want to do?”

 

From Kakashi, this was his typical nonchalant, lazy response. It should have been anyway, but she couldn’t help but feel it was that he wanted to do whatever she did. He might. They were both hopelessly in love with each other. 

 

“Let’s meet tomorrow morning,” Sakura decided. “I’ll come by your place and try to collect some information.” 

 

Kakashi raised an eyebrow. “Doesn’t Tsunade want us to act normally?” 

 

“I am acting normally, sensei,” she scowled. “Normal Sakura researches and finds answers. Normal Kakashi reads porns and ignores his students.” 

 

As usual, he ignored her temper. He only reached out to ruffle her hair, but his hand paused instead, as if he was about to stroke it. She stood frozen, his fingers threaded through pink, before he came back to myself.

 

“Ah, right as usual, Sakura,” he feigned a smile. “I have an appointment to get to, of course.” 

 

“Of course,” she returned the smile.

 

Then he was gone, and Sakura found herself missing him already. She groaned. She didn’t like this jutsu at all. Why couldn’t it have been a lust jutsu? Everyone got hit with a lust jutsu. They would have had sex and moved on. 

 

Naruto and Sasuke had managed it, after all. 

  
  
  
  


 

Sakura wasn’t wrong. He did like ignoring his former students and reading  _ romantic literature _ . He couldn’t ignore Sakura when he was in  _ love  _ with her though. Not even Icha Icha was distracting him from her. 

 

He would read about Hana’s slender legs and remember Sakura’s stockier thighs. The flowery, well-woven prose left her scent in his wake. A tense duel recalled a bad lesson with a katana, Sakura deciding she was never going to touch one again. When he got to the swirl of Junko’s tongue, he slammed the book shut.

 

It wasn’t chivalry. Kakashi was a sick, depraved man and sparred Sakura too frequently not to fantasize about her. But they were idle creatures, old daydreams. He would look at her, she would know it, and they would both like it and say nothing. This was different. He didn’t want to fuck Sakura, he wanted to press kisses down her stomach. He wanted to see laughing green eyes and her wry smile. 

 

“Fuck it.” 

 

So he went and found a drink. He had barely gotten into his sake before Genma arrived, clasping his shoulder. 

 

“I heard the funniest rumor,” the shinobi began.

 

“Fuck off.” 

 

Genma ignored him. “You and Sakura got hit with a love jutsu. Surprised to see you here, out and about. And not with her. In and about.”

 

Kakashi rolled his eyes. “It’s a love jutsu, not a lust jutsu.” 

 

Genma furrowed his brows. “So… you’re thinking about how your hands fit and not about how she’d look in your bed?”

 

Now he was thinking about  _ both _ . “Not an infatuation jutsu.” 

 

Kakashi had established to himself already that he didn’t have to think about Sakura. It came up every now and then, but he didn’t feel a hole in his heart. He missed her a little, but that was as far as it went. 

 

“Not so fun then,” Genma said. “Bad luck. Could have been a lust jutsu.” 

 

Kakashi could agree on that much. 

  
  


 

Now that she was older, Sakura tried not to wear so much red. It was one thing to be fifteen and decide red was her signature look, but years later, she couldn’t only wear  _ one  _ dress. But she couldn’t help but  _ like  _ it. 

 

So when Ino asked her red or blue, she picked red. 

 

One foot balanced on Ino’s lap (her roommate diligently painting them red), and the other half off the couch, Sakura replied to Ino’s question. “No, I don’t have any theories, alright? Kakashi’s involves a time travel jutsu.”

 

“Well, love jutsus aren’t supposed to exist, and here we are… “

 

“Shut up,” she shut her eyes. “It’s just… weird. I’m just in the state of… being in love with him.” 

 

Ino giggled. “You could have done worse, Forehead.”

 

“Oh, I know,” she shuddered. “What if Sasuke went after me? What’s Sasuke even  _ like  _ in love?”

 

Ino laughed. “Silent and brooding.”

 

Sakura joined in. “Nothing much changed there.” 

 

“What’s Kakashi like in love?” Ino asked.

 

Sakura struggled for an answer. When the jutsu first hit, the feelings flooded her at once. He reached for her, cradled her face, and she leaned into the touch. They had stood there quietly. Sakura had felt loved. Wanted. She could think of nothing else but him.

 

Kakashi had looked peaceful.

 

“Quiet,” she decided. “At peace.”

 

Ino hummed. “I hope he falls in love for real someday. That man looks like he needs some peace.” It was a strangely kind thing for Ino to say.

 

Sakura remembered the first time she was good enough to track him. The three of them had never tried after their first few attempts, but she was curious. She followed him all the way to the memorial stone, stood vigil to his vigil. She beat him back to training and accused him of being late and tried not to cry. 

 

Kakashi often felt like a character. Her eccentric mentor. Her distant friend. He would ruffle her hair and promise to pay her back and vanish. He read Icha Icha in public and owned too many dogs. But he was human, and he bled. 

 

“Me too,” Sakura sighed. 

  
  
  
  


 

A little hungover and eyes drooping with sleep, he yanked the door open. Sakura stood on the other side, smiling hopefully up at him. “Uh.” 

 

“You forgot?” She arched an eyebrow. “I guess this jutsu can’t be too hard on you.” Green eyes briefly considered his bare chest and sweatpants but too quickly for him to tell if she liked it. He wanted her to like him.

 

“Trust me, Sakura-chan,” he let her in, closing the door behind her. “I feel like a teenage girl.”

 

She giggled, making herself comfortable on the couch without any prompting. “If I asked you to take off your mask right now, would you?”

 

Kakashi shrugged, taking a seat next to her. “Probably.”

 

“Because you love me?” Sakura asked, eyes bright and curious. Already onto questions. He had favored her as a student, in the brief time he had taught her. Kakashi was a genius, and she was the only one of his students with any academic interest in jutsus. She wanted to know how it worked, and Naruto and Sasuke only wanted to learn how to use them.

 

But Tsunade was Sakura’s childhood hero, and he was quickly left with only two students. 

 

He considered his feelings carefully. While Kakashi didn’t want to disappoint her (because his heart was beating for her), he could say no and wouldn’t hesitate to. “No,” he winked at her. “I just don’t care all that much.”

 

Sakura pouted. “Boring.”

 

“My turn.” 

 

“There are no turns,” Sakura said.

 

“I’m taking mine anyway.” Kakashi feigned thought. “Ah… what’s your favorite color?” 

 

Sakura rolled her eyes. “You know my favorite color.” She placed her hands on her knees, leaning forward slightly. “I want to try something else.” 

 

“Alright,” Kakashi said. “What?” 

 

A little color rose to her cheeks, but her words were steady. “Has this jutsu had any… impact on your sexual desire for me? Any similarities to a lust jutsu?”

 

If it was only that simple. “Nothing has changed.” Catching her eyes and asking  _ just  _ to see her redden a little more, he went on: “Fair is fair, Sakura. What about you?” 

 

“Nothing has changed,” she scowled at him. “You don’t have anything more  _ detailed _ on that? I can’t speak for all people, but it’s fairly common for sexuality to be connected with emotional intimacy.”

 

He didn’t want to say it, but frankly, he had faith in Sakura. And frankly, he was sick of thinking about her and knowing she wasn’t really his and knowing all his feelings weren’t really his. Her eyes, her mouth, her hair. 

 

“I think you know I find you attractive,” he said and enjoyed another flush of red. “But now thinking of you has an… emotional element to it.”

 

“What do you mean?” She asked.

 

“I don’t want to fuck you.” Kakashi decided to be crass because crass was easier than open. It didn’t matter that these questions were scientific inquiry. That none of this was real. It wasn’t any easier to open his heart and talk about his fucking feelings. “I want to make love to you.”

 

Sakura blinked. “Cool.”

 

“This is really awkward,” said Kakashi.

 

She sighed. “You can’t say that. It makes it more awkward.” She combed her hands through her hair, frustrated. “I don’t know what the answer here is. I can’t think of any reversal jutsus. I’m sure you’ve already tried all you’ve known.”

 

Instinctively, he reached out to catch her hand in his. They were slender but calloused,  _ small  _ in comparison to his own. He didn’t know what possessed him to do it - some leftover protectiveness from his brief year as Sakura’s mentor or being in love with her. “You’ll figure it out, Sakura. It won’t happen all in one day.”

 

Sakura huffed. “I know. I’m just impatient.” 

 

“That  _ I _ know.” Maintaining his grip on her hands, he tugged her up to his feet. “I know just what will cheer you up.”

 

“You found me a new poison?” Sakura asked with a bright smile.

 

Kakashi couldn’t tell if she was joking; Sakura truly got more dangerous with age. “Close but no. First, breakfast. Second, messing with Sasuke and Naruto.”

 

This time, Sakura’s smile was certainly genuine. She dramatically slapped her hand over her heart, batting her eyelashes at him. Terribly long eyelashes over those warm green eyes. Kakashi never noticed. “Oh, honey, you know the way to my heart.”

 

His response was dry. “Food and pettiness?” 

 

She laughed. “It’s only fair since I’ve always known the way to yours.” 

 

Oh?” He asked, releasing his hand to open his fridge. He had to have something fitting for humans to eat - ah, eggs. 

 

“Porn.” 

 

He turned slightly to tell her  _ haha, Sakura  _ and  _ how do you like your eggs _ when he glimpsed her smile, soft and warm, and thought, yes, porn, but a smile went a long way too.  
  


**Author's Note:**

> this is 25% crack and 75% totally serious! and as referenced, i must give lots of love to all the 'lust' jutsu fics that are out there - without you, i wouldn't be here. i hope you enjoy!


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